A Little Dose of Irony.

Non-Phish General
#1

http://www.timesfreepress.com/absolutenm/templates/breaking.aspx?articleid=14827&zoneid=41

Crematory consumed by fire

The crematory operated by Lane Funeral Home in Rossville was destroyed by fire late Friday night.

The fire started between 10:30 p.m. and 11 p.m. in a building separated by the funeral home’s entrance driveway, official said.

Visitation had ended and only a cleaning crew was present at the adjacent funeral home when a neighbor saw flames and called police, according to staff at the funeral home.

Firefighters from the Rossville Fire Department and Walker County State Prison Station 9 extinguished the blaze but the crematory and garage were heavily damaged.

“We believe it was an accident and are pretty sure it started in the crematory area,” Rossville Fire Department Sgt. Jerry Brooks said.

Ed Williamson, managing funeral home director, expressed thanks for the efficient action by emergency personnel. He said three Saturday funeral services went ahead as scheduled.

Demolition crews on Saturday afternoon were preparing the site for rebuilding the facility, funeral staff member Bill Hartman said.

Lane Funeral Home also has an Ashland Terrace Chapel in Chattanooga.

#2

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070506/ap_on_fe_st/brazil_beer_taster

Brewer must pay alcoholic beer taster

SAO PAULO, Brazil - A Brazilian court has ordered local brewer Ambev to pay 100,000 reals (US$49,400; euro36,400) to an alcoholic beer taster who drank about a liter and a half (3.2 pints) of beer each day.

The unidentified employee alleged that the company did not provide the health measures needed to keep him from developing alcoholism, a labor court in the Rio Grande do Sul state said in a statement Friday.

The employee said in his lawsuit that for more than a decade, he drank between 16 and 25 small glasses of beer during his eight-hour shifts at the company

The employee said he also received a bottle of beer after each shift.

An initial ruling had favored Ambev, or Companhia de Bebidas das Americas, which can still appeal the decision. The company alleged the employee already was an alcoholic before becoming a beer taster.

Judge Jose Felipe Ledur said the company still was negligent because an alcoholic should never have been made a beer taster.

Ledur also said the employee’s alcohol dependency had worsened in recent years and that even on vacation, the employee felt like drinking the same amount of beer he drank at work.

#3

^oh poor him

“they kept making me drink, and drink, and drink, then only once every two weeks they paid me. boo who who”

christ, he has it ruff huh?

#4

Yeah, hard to have sympathy for that! I bet his testimony in court went like this:

“Guys, I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to become a parody of myself, going around the country drinking complimentary beer all the time.”

And the defense was like, “See? This guy’s profession is killing him because it’s just too much fun.”

And the prosecution was like " … Trey?"

#5

http://www.theday.com/re.aspx?re=6580d375-0d3e-4809-8edb-7ea4cfff7829

Canterbury Woman Dies After Being Thrown From Motorcycle

Canterbury

#6

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070512/ap_on_re_us/montana_plane_crash;_ylt=Au6pIkOotfQwuv1uaMjN.qqs0NUE

Montana skydiving plane crash kills 5

MARION, Mont. - A plane crash killed five members of a group of skydivers Saturday in northwestern Montana, the Flathead County sheriff said.

The crash happened late Saturday morning in a field about 30 miles southwest of Kalispell, in an area known as Lost Prairie, Sheriff Mike Meehan said. The
Federal Aviation Administration in Seattle said the plane went down shortly after takeoff, then burned.

The pilot of the Cessna 182 operated by Skydive Lost Prairie was carrying two skydiving instructors and two trainees to jumps, said Michael Morrill, a manager of the company. He said the plane took off in good weather.

Names of those killed were not released immediately. All were from Montana, Morrill said.

He said the pilot began working for Sky Dive Lost Prairie about 10 days ago and was experienced, with more than 500 hours of flying time. He had a commercial rating, Morrill said.

The skydivers were heading off to tandem jumps in which trainees are attached to instructors, who control the parachute that carries both people to the ground, Morrill said. The parachutists were to fly for about 30 minutes, free fall for 30 seconds or so and then have a 5-minute “canopy ride” to the ground, Morrill said.

Skydiving is a relatively small sport in the state, with perhaps 60 or 70 people who are experienced jumpers, said Tina Sanders of Skydive Montana, another business that offers jumps. She said the aficionados are a close-knit group and another skydiver called her about 15 minutes after the crash happened.

#7

irony indeed

#8

http://cbs2.com/topstories/local_story_335002654.html?13

Man Suspected Of Killing Prostitute With A Hoe

(CBS) NORTHRIDGE Police say a 50-year-old man living in his mother

#9

http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070514/LOCAL/70514011

Howard Co. fire burns emergency gear

KOKOMO, Ind.

#10

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=50811&in_page_id=34&ito=newsnow

‘Dettol man’ killed by cleanliness

An obsessive nicknamed The Dettol Man died after continually cleaning himself and his home with the disinfectant, an inquest heard.

Recluse Jacques Niemand may have been overcome by fumes from the dozens of bottles of the cleaning fluid he kept in his flat.

The 42-year-old had so much of the chemical in his system his body was starved of oxygen, the inquest was told.

More than 100 bottles of Dettol were found crammed in a suitcase at Mr Niemand’s home. Several buckets containing the fluid were also found.

His sister, Ruth Bain, said the man had suffered from an obsessive cleaning disorder for years and she would not go into his home because it was ‘stifling’.

Several police officers who went into the flat in Didsbury, Manchester, following Mr Niemand’s death later went off sick with aches after apparently being overpowered by the smell of cleaning products.

Pathologist Lorna McWilliam said it was difficult to say if the chemical got into Mr Niemand’s system because he had breathed it in or drunk it.

'I cannot be sure his death arose through using an excessive amount at one time

#11

I thought irony meant “made entirely of iron.”

#12

Like my fist?

#13

Precisely.

Ian’s iron fist is ironic.

#14

high five

breaks Neil’s hand

#15

This thought struck me as I was driving home yesterday.

I passed a firehouse, and saw 2-3 firemen standing outside smoking cigs.

But when they go into a burning building, they’ll use all their resources and technology to keep smoke out of their lungs.

Is this irony, or just the way things are?

#16

It might be ironic if they were treated for smoke inhalation by way of cigarettes, but as it stands, this falls into the category of coincidence.