I’m going to the back seat of my car! And I wont be back for TEN MINUTES!
Come, to Homercles.
Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
The girls of the internet. Ooh, I’d go online with them anyday!
Asleep at the switch? I wasn’t asleep, I was drunk!
Kill my boss?!? Do I dare live out the american dream?
Marge, old people don’t need companionship, they need to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients can be obtained from them…
My balogna has a first name, its h-o-m-e-r, My balogna has a second name, its h-o-m-e-r…
If something is too hard, give it up. The moral my boy is to never try anything
It takes two people to lie, one to lie and one to listen.
Stealing? How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what’s-his-name?
Good things don’t end in “eum”, they end in “mania” or “teria”
Lisa, Vampires are make believe, like Elves, Gremlins and Eskimos
This ticket doesn’t just give me a seat, it gives me the right, NO, the DUTY! to make a complete ass of myself.
Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills brain cells! Now lets go back to that … building … thingy… where our beds and TV… is.
Your mother seems really upset. I better go have a talk with her - during the commercial.
You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it’s not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring.
It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in 8 hours of TV a day.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races
Don’t worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep… in a blender.
Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy’s boat!
Marge, what’s wrong? Are you hungry? Sleepy? Gassy? Gassy? Is it gas? It’s gas, isn’t it?
Lisa, I can’t imagine anyone could be more likeable than you. But apparently, this new girl is. So my advice would be to start copying her in every way.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me “sir” without adding, “you’re making a scene.”
Ooh, the internet is on computers now.
Excuse me Doctor, I think I know a little something about medicine.
Son, when you attend sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how drunk you get.
To start, press any key. Where’s the ‘any’ key?
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, ‘The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.’
Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
Oh my god, this man’s my exact double! And that dog has a puffy tail. Hee hee hee. Here puff! Here puff!
I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman!
and i have about a thousand more.