Best Homer Lines....

Non-Phish General
#21

Marge: Look at you go. Typedy-type-type-type!
Homer: Marge, I’m pulling an all nighter for my little girl. Put on a pot of coffee, drink it, and start making burgers.
Marge: Oh, some aniversary this is.

Homer: Oh I can’t stand seeing one of my children like this :closes Garage door over Lisa: Oh I can still hear her. I better do something.

reading an IOU note): ‘Dear Homer, I owe you one emergency donut, signed Homer.’ Bastard! He’s always one step ahead!

Reporter): Don’t you think it’s dangerous to send civilians into space?
(Homer): I’ll handle this…the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes…wait a minute…Statue of Liberty…that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!

And my personal favorites:

Lisa): Dad! I had a bad dream!
(Homer): Oh Lisa. You just lay down and tell me all about it.
(Lisa): I know this sounds absurd, but I was dreaming that the Boogieman was chasing me and…
(Homer): AAHH! Boogieman!
[Runs to Bart’s room]
(Homer): Bart, I don’t want to alarm you, but we may have an ordeal involving a Boogieman or BoogieMEN in the house!
(Bart): Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!

(Marge): Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?
(Homer): Yup, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races.

Don’t worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep… in a blender.

Homer): OK, brain. You don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but lets get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
(Homer’s brain): It’s a deal!

#22

In the episode where Homer purposefully gains weight to go on disability, when he figures out that he only has to hit “Y” on the keyboard instead of “Y-E-S”:

“I just tripled my productivity, Marge, what have you done today?”

In another episode:

Homer: “Prepare the emergency ham.”

Marge: “We already used the emergency ham.”

Homer: “Then prepare the celebration ham.”

#23

I’m not sure, but reading all these quotes is almost (ALMOST) as funny as actually seeing/hearing them on TV.

"Marge, don

#24

-"…notice I didn’t say libarry or tomorree…"

-“As long as you live in my house, you’ll obey my rules. Now butter up that bacon, boy! And bacon up that sausage!”

-Homer singing “Smoke on the Water”

-Ralph Wiggum: “I almost died”

-When the Simpsons go to Bronson, MO, instead of Branson (where Grandpa Simpson went to find a “hoochie” he met at the Retirement Castle), they are in a town full of Charles Bronson-like characters. Great stuff:

“Hey ma, how bout a cookie…”
“…No dice…”
“…This ain’t ova…”

-The scene that spoofs ‘Mr. Smith Goes to Washington’ w/ Mel Gibson is hilarious (especially):

“All those in favor, say die”

#25

Trent: Whats your name?
Homer: Home…uh Max Power
Trent: Hey, Great name!
Homer: Thanks, I got it from a hair dryer.

#26

Homer: Are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

#27

“I’m not popular enough to be different…”

#28

Marge: Homer i don’t want you stalking people, its so illegal
Homer: Fine, I’m going out…to stalk…lenny and carl.

Doctor: Removing the crayon will either increase your brain power or kill you
Homer: Increase my killing power eh?

#29

Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?

Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?”

#30

http://www.thesimpsonsquotes.com/characters/homer-simpson-quotes.html

#31

WooHoo!

Says it all.

#32

“But Marge, remember that time I took a wine tasting class and forgot how to drive!?!?”
“Homer, you were drunk!!”
“And how…”

#33

Bart: Hey guys, just so you don’t hear any wild rumors, I’m being indicted for fraud in Australia.
Homer: Pfft. That’s no reason to block the TV.

“If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?”

and one more for the PT:
“Look, all I’m saying is, if these big stars didn’t want people going through their garbage and saying they’re gay, then they shouldn’t have tried to express themselves creatively.”

#34

This one sticks out in my mind too. “You’ve got a butt that won’t quit” in a drunken voice is the funniest ever.

The funniest scene I always think about (I don’t know the exact episode), but some business people were trying to sell the idea of cutting down the forests around Springfield for some purpose, and they showed two scenes: the first was a forest full of gloomy looking trees covered in moss. The lighting was really dark, and it basically made forests look like the most depressing places ever. The second was a sun-shiny day with animals all over, playing on top of the stumps of all of the trees that got cut down–basically just being happy that they have no trees around them.

#35

This is a great thread idea. We could do favorite songs, lines from South Park, most outrageous lines from Family Guy too.

My favorite scene ever from South Park is Cartman singing “Heat of the Moment” in front of Congress

#36

“A woman’s like a refridgerator. She’s about 6 feet tall…she makes ice. No actually a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they taste good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one. But you can’t stop at one…”

#37

Homer: Bart butter that bacon!
BArt: But dad my heart hurts
homer: I said butter it!
…shortly after
Homer: I said bacon your sausage!

#38

(From the missionary episode)
Marge: Homer, are you licking toads again?
Homer: I’m not not licking toads.

(Not sure what episode…)
Lisa: I’m going to do something I should have done a long time ago
Homer: Marge, she’s gonna narc on our stash.
Marge: Homer, we don’t have a stash.
Homer: (suspiciously) Oh right…of course we don’t.

(From the Angry Dad episode)
Marge: Homer you’re angry all the time.
Homer: No, I’m not.
Marge: Look, you’re punching the cat right now.
Homer: Oh my god! You’re right - I’m a rage-a-holic. I can’t live without rage-a-hol

#39

Operator, give me the number for 911!

#40

One of my favorites is when Bart is pretending to be Ms. Krabappel’s secret admirerer and Homer is trying to write the letter to break it off:

Dear Baby,

Welcome to Dumpsville, Population…You.