Ahh, Friday.
Setting up at a new work location today, but plan to be done around one today. Marie wants to take most of the gdaughters to a local procduction of Annie in April and I get to purchase the tickets today this afternoon.
Traveling to NY this weekend for Marie’s sister’s surprise birthday party, and then it’s back home for more sanding and painting. It means extra time off from work, so I don’t mind.
Have a great weekend OKP’ers.
Good morning people. Friday…unfortunately I dread the weekends right now as that means that it’s two and a half full days in the house with the soon-to-be ex-wife packing and cleaning. Still, two more weekends and she’s out. I keep my weeks packed full of work so the time is passing quickly. Enjoy your weekends!
Mornin all! 
Last day of good temps here in the Twin Cities area… We have hit 50 once and the 40’s a few times this past week! WOW!!!
Back to snow, rain, freezing rain and sleet this weekend, with temps back to normal!
Loves to all, hope your days goes well!!!
Morning…hey, there’s still half an hour left 
Relaxing this morning before my yoga class. Makenzie’s in Alabama with her dad’s family until Monday and Holt left this morning for training at his new job in Black Mountain until tomorrow sometime. Not a sound in the house other than my typing. Sooooo nice!
I’d like to take my dog on a hike somewhere because it’s so freaking BEAUTIFUL outside, but she’s so horrible (barks and lunges like she would attack if she weren’t on a leash) to other dogs, it’s just obnoxious and honestly, it’s pretty embarrassing. She did fine for Holt on the trail along side his buddy’s dog, but unless I walk her when it’s still dark outside, I spend a lot of time and energy keeping her away from other dogs either in their own yards or walking with their owners. Plus, Holt’s the nature guru. I doubt I’d even know where to go. Sucks that my dog sucks 
So instead, my weekend will consist of yoga, zumba, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, and relaxation…obviously the latter will be in between all the others
Enjoy!
^I would love to spend a weekend doing that, maybe except for the zumba.
Instead, we’re showering up getting ready to hop into the car for a 2 hour drive to Marie’s sister’s surprise bday party. Should be fun except that Marie has got some kind of cold or flu bug and she’s just not feeling much like doing anything more than veggin around the house. We’re supposed to stay over until tomorrow night, but if she’s not feeling it, I’m ready to come home tonight. Will see.
But it’s amazingly windy here in central NJ. Feels like Winter is being blown the hell outta here. Almost all the ground cover snow is gone, and this is the first time since Dec 26 that it has been this way around these parts.
Got some packin and preppin to do before we leave around 2. Have a great time relaxin Ollie, grab it while you can. Same goes for everyone else.
Easy like Sunday morning…or something. How does that go again? Anyways it IS Sunday, and that means only one more week of living in the same house as my soon-to-be ex-wife. It’s really weird, especially as she just keeps acting as if nothing is wrong and nothing seriously major is happening. I don’t know, almost to the point where I’m worried about her delusions. But whatever, not my problem anymore I guess. I have a full day of data analysis and presentation-putting-togethering which, contrary to how it sounds, I’m actually looking forward to. Maybe because everything else in my life is such a drag at the moment.
Oh yeah I had a dream about Phish announcing their summer tour dates. Hopefully it’s a good omen!
^surreal. have you sat down with her and had an honest exchange? not saying people can always see eye to eye but… well anyway good luck…
it has been an intense winter at the nursing home where i work… we’ve lost some 10 people, some of which have been with us 10 years or so… Friday we had our first full code since i’ve been there… which has been the better part of these last 10 years. The patient was dizzy… starts getting hot… seizure… then nothing, no pulse, no blood pressure. looks like she died of a total cardiac arrest due to low sodium… caused the heart to abruptly stop. She was schizophrenic and mourning the loss of her roommate who died this past tuesday. an interesting thing about schizophrenics is they have a tendency to engage in “excessive drinking” to deal with stress… no not alcohol but water… up to 6 liters/day… she may have been drinking water like crazy to cope which caused her sodium to plummet… which caused her heart to stop. her levels were 116… normal is between 125-135… but we will never know how much she was really drinking… but you can kinda deduce it from her history and tendencies… it was sad. she was on a ventilator for a day but there was no returning.
Sorry to hear that Jeff. Your profession must be tough for that reason. Reminds me of how I could never be a police officer, too much of the negative side of humanity. Okay, pretty much the entire negative side of humanity.
Today’s been great so far near as I can tell. I think I’m going disc golfing solo shortly. That should rule, hopefully it does.
Is it possible for disk golf not to rule?
Good morning peoples. Gonna work from home today due to the road sucking donkey balls and the dude supposing to drive in the carpool bailing out (fucker). Problem is it sound like the soon-to-be ex-wife is also working from home today. I’m not very happy about that.
Speaking of the soon-to-be ex-wife, I came to the conclusion last night that she has officially lost her marbles. I don’t know what the fuck happened to this woman, but something sure snapped in her. Apparently the thought of turning 30 is fucking with her or something because over the last few months she has dyed her hair to go from a blonde to a dark brunette, randomly “changed her mind” about being married to me, decided that once the divorce is final she will be changing her last name not back to her maiden name but to some new and different name of her choosing, AND last night I find out via facebook that she is thinking about getting a motorcycle. She’s fucking lost it. I don’t get it. To some getting a motorcycle doesn’t really sound like a huge deal, but if you knew her you’d be going 
too, trust me. She is not a very good motorist and she always kind of rolled her eyes at people with bikes. She has fucking lost it.
And I’m not saying any of this to dismiss any of the pain. It still fucking hurts, and yes she actually used the words “I kind of changed my mind” about the marriage. I kind of feel bad for her as she just seems incapable of being happy and always looking for something else, it just sucks that I had to be the one to get in her way I guess.
Anyways enough about my bullshit, how about some fucking summer tour dates already? 
^Sounds right if you are discussing a person entering an early mid-life crisis… I have witnessed the same thing, in different terms, but same items, odd…
Morning Pa feckers!
Snow, snow and more snow…
Hate it.
Love you all!
Doug, i’m not trying to psychoanalyze your soon-to-be-ex… which i assume is her new name… kinda like he-who-must-not-be-named… anyway, she very well may be having a break, i don’t know. does she have a history of bi-polar? depression? is she on meds? does she have a family history of mental illness? People are allowed to change their mind but it doesn’t sound like she has taken the time to rationally explain the reason behind her change. does she know why? does anyone know why? I mean turning 30 is certainly traumatic but this is… maladaptive.
What i’m going to say is personal… so… like you don’t need to answer these questions, just think about them… how was your sex life with her? good? bad? ugly? nonexistent? is she able to have kids? does she want kids? is her bio-clock ticking off her mind? are you able to have kids? was she having an affair? did she want to have an affair but instead of having one decided to leave you first? is there another man involved? courting her? I say all that because dying the hair, wanting to be single, changing her last name to something exotic, getting a motorcycle… all that reeks of someone wanting to attract a mate no? shes all about the sex drive… in overdrive… don’t underestimate that energy… it creates life after all… and seems to be destroying your marriage, as it has destroyed countless marriages and lives in the past. perhaps she could no longer bear the sexual energy tearing her apart at the seams and instead of cheating on you she’s just leaving you.
on the other hand, sex issues aside, is she the kind of person who is able to have an intimate relationship? have you shared love and has she opened her heart to you only to slam it shut? If she slammed it shut why? is she a distant person? impersonal person? In short, has she ever tried to explain to you why she is leaving?? Have you asked? Sounds like it was “sudden”… why? was it brewing over the years?
I think there is an answer to all these questions somewhere and she may not even know the answer… sometimes its just too painful to look… but the answers are there nevertheless…
another thing to consider is perhaps all this is a blessing and these last days while she is around ,that you can’t bear so much, will be gone soon… and gone a long time after.
i know you have some pain going on but take some time to try to help her a little… sounds like something potentially serious is going on with her… she may need… i don’t know… she just doesn’t sound like she is in a safe place. it may be nothing and she just wants to leave your ass (bwaha sorry for my unsympathetic tone 
) and in that case don’t forget to leave your foot print on her ass as she walks out the door with a shout of “good riddance!” …but if there is more going on than that should be addressed. its a bit worrisome…
Good morning Pa. I am on vacation this week…winter break. It is very much welcome in my life. My only major plans are cleaning and organizing various areas of my world and I am looking forward to it. Haven’t really “gotten up” yet…coffee is calling.
Thanks for the kind words Jeff. In terms of her history, she is a recovering drug addict and has thus had some obvious mental issues in the past. In addition, she grew up in a very emotionally dysfunctional household. So yes maladaptive is an understatement.
The sex-life was always kind of an issue and for the last two years virtually non-existent. I don’t think there has been any infidelity, but mainly because I think she is too proud to do that, not out of some virtue of the marriage vows. I would not exclude the potential for her desire to be with somebody else physically at this point, but frankly that’s really as far as I care to consider at this point. She seems very incapable of sharing any real intimacy, but maybe it was just with me.
It both was and wasn’t “sudden” if that can make sense. She got weird over the last year or so and very very distant. She never wanted to spend time with me and when we would make plans she would cancel them because she was “too busy” only to find her hanging out with her friends a day or two later. I confronted her several times and told her we needed to go see somebody about our troubles and she agreed. But when push came to shove and she was supposed to make the appointment, she bailed.
And you are right, I am concerned. Very concerned. She has a therapist and a lot of good people surrounding her in her recovery support and whatnot but I’m still worried. Her actions have been very irrational and off-the-wall. I want to bring it up, I just haven’t had that nudge that the time/situation is right. When the anger and pain subsides I’m left in this weird position where I feel bad…like I know I’ll be happy in the near and distant future but I wonder if she will. I’m sure at some point we’ll have that conversation but with things so chaotic at home and all the stress of moving and the shit with the dog it’s too awkward.
Wow…shit just got real up in here 
Ok, so lets take stock. She has a history of drug abuse which we know can produce mental disorders… whether the disorder was there first and the drugs brought it to light or the drugs simply caused the problem is irrelevant… because we can assume she has some kind of diagnoses. And the fact she grew up in a dysfunctional household only adds weight to it. What it is i don’t know… she sounds manic to be honest. “too busy” to attend to anything else. is she delusional too? seems its a dangerous place she is in.
no sex life, fine… so she may need to get laid but this is more than that. we all need a good fuck here and there but being unable to share intimacy, thats a problem. fucking doesn’t create intimacy. so where she can’t share intimacy with you she can’t share it with anyone else… because that skill, or whatever you call it, comes from the inside… comes from being a genuinely loving person who cares about others… then you can open your heart to them. so she may think she can be intimate with someone else but if she can’t do it with you then it stands to reason she will fail elsewhere. she just may find someone else who is shallow or whatever…
did she ever explain why she became distant? she may have no insight into her situation whatsoever… but you say she has a therapist… hmmm problem with them is they can sometimes be just a koo-koo as the patients they treat… i mean not all therapists are created equal. well hopefully shes having a heart to heart with her or him.
you want to bring these problems up but it seems to me that she may just get angry and irritated if you do? I guess all you can do is be supportive of her and take care of yourself thru this process… like you said you’ll probably have that conversation at some point. anyhow good luck, things always get real at some point… we’d be missing out on a huge part of life if we never experienced its crazy, chaotic, disturbing side… its a big lesson to learn to go to the worst places of our mind and realize it doesn’t kill us… grief, loss, suffering… we avoid these things at all cost… but we should not… it is life… death is life… its all part of that yin/yang thingy… and just think when you’re single you can look at those fine phish ladies with new eyes. heeeyyyooooo! look, don’t touch. 
Well this is very very similar to my own situation now that the details are coming out! One big difference though, is that my bride hasn’t been able to muster up a decision to leave, so we’ve been sharing a tough reality of trying to work it out somehow for about two & a half years now.
Thorough communication has been exhausting but helpful. We’re not out of the woods ~ but we keep talking about everything a lot. We’re each seeing someone to talk at as well. There’s a lot of acceptance involved in growth! I’ve had to learn a lot about myself, and same for her. Still learning. We might not make it, and I have to accept that as well. But for now I’m still on the rollercoaster of ups and downs as we continue to hurt each other in cycles, and then experience more learning and healing.
Good morning though, even though it’s 2-ish. I’m having a coffee so whatever, it’s morning enough for me.
Great to hear such consistent sanity coming from you Doug! Keep your head & your cool and you’re halfway there brother.
The failing at intimacy is what makes me feel bad for her. I mean if that’s really the way she is and unable/unwilling to make that kind of connection with another person…seems sad to me.
I’m kind of waiting for an opportunity to bring my concerns to her when I’m a little bit more emotionally detached from the situation. Meaning that I can step out of the current situation and speak as a concerned friend rather than a hurt spouse. But that probably won’t happen until after she moves out.
^Careful of that impulse, Doug. It’s a kind thought, but you need to think about you, not her, for a while after this is finally over. The residual feelings you have for her should to be all gone before you can be friendly with her again. Take it slow.
Snowy morning again in NJ. Mistakenly declared Winter over last Friday when it was 60 here. Not looking forward to clearing the car off again and worrying about slick spots on the drive to work. Blah!
I’m not adverse to growing older, heavens knows we have no choice. But one of the major downsides is muscle aches from doing repetitive motions you don’t normally do. Like sanding walls in preparation for painting. Never thought a little sanding motion would cause the upper arm and shoulder pain I had last night. A little anti-inflammatory makes it better, it’s just the reminder that’s the rub.
Have a great Tuesday everyone.
mornin from gate 11 @ MSP… I’ll be in four states today. MN,CO,WY,UT…
Have a great day.
loves to all.