So yesterday I’m running through the forest in a chicken suit…hammer in one hand, screwdriver (the one you drink) in the other. The gnomes had called me to say there was a hole in their roof and asked if I would come and fix it…but gnomes live in trees, so why didn’t they say there was a hole in the tree? I looked like a jackass dressed as a chicken running through the woods with a hammer in one hand and a screwdriver (the one you drink) in the other.
^That was you?!?! We want our hammer back!
i’m a rainbow too.
Last Thursday, I was driving in my car when suddenly I noticed a man sitting to my left, on the sidewalk. He had a handlebar mustache, a tattered old top hat, and a cane he was holding like a septor. As I got near his majesty’s throne, the stoplight turned red and I came to a stop right in front of him. My windows were down and try as I might not to look at him, there was no stopping my gaze. As I looked over at him, our eyes locked and I felt a horrific jolt from my head down to my toes. Immediately I felt as if I had been lifted from my body, through the roof of my car, over the tree tops, and through the clouds until I “landed” in a strange forest. It was the middle of December, but the trees were luscious and green as was the surrounding grass. The flowers were beautiful shades of pink, yellow, white, and red, and their fragrance enchanting. The chill that was in the air only moments earlier was gone and, the temperature was that of a perfect spring afternoon. There was a bird perched about halfway up the length of a most majestic tree. The bird seemed to be chirping Clair de Lune. Is that possible? I felt like Alice (in Wonderland) as I walked with the curiosity of a 3 year old towards the tree where the bird was perched. Perhaps I was hearing things. As I got closer to the tree, I clumbsily stepped on a rock and the mighty tree began to shake. The middle of the base of this enormous trunk split and opened like an elevator. I was terrified. The smell of fresh baked apple pie wafted out of the opening and I kept hearing an old male voice saying, “Lady…lady”. Every nerve in my brain was begging me to run, but every muscle in my body moved towards the opening. I peered inside the opening and there was the same crochity old man from the street who had somehow sent me on this crazy journey. I stopped just inside the opening. He was so close I could have reached out and touched him. I asked him what the hell was going on. Then he raised his crooked index finger, pointed up and to his right and said, “You gonna sit there all day? Light’s green, lady.” Just then I felt another jolt and I was back behind the wheel of my car. The light was indeed green. I looked where the old man had been sitting and he was gone. The car behind me honked and I drove away.
^I skipped the middle and hence the post read:
“Last Thursday, I was driving in my car when suddenly the car behind me honked and I drove away.”
I like brevity.
and bodacious… candy bars.
For a change of pace, I took a crap in the sink and washed my hands in the toilet.
if you take acrylic paint and dilute it with water then put it into squirt bottles and then squirt it up yer ass you can shit in a variety of colors.
the man said to me “for you see young lad, I am the eye of the beholder, and all that there is to behold is mine”
“but I want something to behold”
so he handed me his eye
For, the I, like ice-made to slide from the I, have one defect.
So that’s what you think, alcohol-ill person or something? Socket you are not! They are not! They are not alcohol-ill people like moron here that the external part average in the ways is around they works and.
don’t give me that shit you stark raving lunatic soviet sympathizing back pack wearing lounge rat. We all know who the REAL cookie monter here is.
Wow. It smells like farts in here, I thought. Mom!!!
it smells like piss and shit.
I think it smells like burning in here
Now it smells like bitch in here ;D
no no no…that’s not what bitch smells like
smells more like
fray me nam. sam a lang. doop blascatoo.
wanz boo boo wanz boo…boo boo.
Kleenex fucked tea gum in the pen army last night after 31 bouts of hell. Jello is hung out to dried cranberries for dinner. One Lloyd is enough for Scott the gumbo king.
Sadatay mibammi. De tibby ties iz buden!