My father-in-law just died

Non-Phish General
#1

wow…we knew he was sick, but this was unexpected so soon.

The worst part is that my husband Brian is not here, he flew out to Denver this morning to pick up a VW van that we purchased and was not here when his dad passed. I cannot convey to you all what this will do to Brian’s psyche.

apparently between the potassium that was in the “food” in his feedign tube and the IV they ran for him after a back surgery he underwent yesterday, the hospital has admitted that they were not vigilant enough in m onitoring his potassium levels, and with only one kidney, it was too much for his body to bear, and he passed on.

This is all so sudden… he was supposed to come home today b/c he was doign so much better… now, he’s dead.

I’ve never felt so numb and shocked in my life.

#2

damn.

i don’t know what to say.

i kind of know how it feels to have a loved one get sick and then seemingly get better and then be gone after looking better but i don’t want to try and compare.

i want to send my condolences to you and Brian and that’s about all i can think to do. This must be hard to go through and i hope he understands that saying goodbye is not the most important part of a relationship but rather the times you hold dear to your heart.

(((((((best wishes and good vibes to you all)))))))

#3

I’m really sorry. Lotsa love, strength, and healing to your family :frowning:

#4

aw fuck, moma.

this is indeed un-needed news…i am so sorry to hear.

my condolences go out to you and your husband as well as the family…i dont know what else to say…loss sucks…but life is…you gotta take what you get…it ebbs and flows…its just…life.

#5

I’m so sorry Ally. All my love to you, Brian and the whole family.

#6

That’s terrible. I assume you’ve already called Brian.

Jeez that’s going to be a terrible drive home for him, unless he decides to hop on a plane.

All my thoughts are with both of you. Let Brian know he’s got friends and support here, and you already know that Momma.

#7

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It looks like I’m pulling an all-nighter here. I just talked to brian and he’s in Kansas City; I think he’s going to try to get a flight out of there and leave the van parked at the airport there until things here get settled, then go back and get it. Everything is so up in the air right now, I don’t know what’s going to happen.

My understanding is that he wanted to be cremated, and Brian’s mom donated his corneas. There will be no church service or formalities like a normal funeral - he didn’t want that. Just a memorial for family and close friends to speak on what the remembered about him.

I won’t be going to work tomorrow. When Aidan wakes up I have to tell him and then start helping plan the memorial service.

It’s just crazy. He was more my father than my own dad in a lot of ways. I’ll remember him fondly, and count it as a blessing that he didn’t have to wither away anymore in thathospital bed…gotta try to accentuate the positive thoughts, I guess.

#8

Sorry for the lost moma… hope everything gets better.

best wishes

#9

I’m so sorry to hear this, Allison. This is terrible news for you, Brian and your family. We’re all here to help you if you need it, seeing as how you’ll probably have to be the strength that holds things together for everyone.

And maybe that’s a good way to help yourself deal with the loss. Focus on the rest of the family, give your attention to them, and you won’t have time to feel your own pain as much. Helping others is always a good way to help yourself through things.

Besides, Brian and Aidan are going to need you so much, I don’t see where you have much choice anyway. When things start to get to you, come back to the OKP and let it out. There’s a lot of love for you here, and we’ll do what we can to provide you any solace or advice you might need.

#10

So sorry to hear this.

Be strong, we are here if anything is needed.

#11

(((((((((((Good warm vibes))))))))))

I am so sorry for both of yours loss.

#12

You’ll be in my thoughts. Stay strong.

#13

It is one thing when you are expecting the worst. It is entirely another when, as you say, he was getting better. My condolences to you and yours.

::Hearts and flowers::

{{{{{{Good Vibes}}}}}}

#14

I’m sorry to hear about your families loss. You’ll be in my thoughts and I’ll be sending good vibes your way. Take care.
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

#15

My condolences to you and Brian and your family.

#16

Aww jeez.

I had an uncle who owned a small, private airport who one night died in a plane crash. In one night, my Dad’s only brother was totally gone. It’s one thing if someone is older and its expected but that kind of thing just sends you reeling. Just try to be there for each other…it’s all I can say. It’s not going to be easy but be glad you have each other.

Stevo

#17

Thats a great way to look at it.

Its always hard because death can happen so fast and we have to live our life so its never certain whether one can be there when a loved one dies. Hope Brian understands that and doesn’t suffer too much over not being there. Its always helpful to focus on the good times shared rather than missed opportunities…

Best of luck to you and your family during this trying time.

#18

damn girl. Tough couple of months, huh? Please know that you and Brian and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Don’t worry, things will get better!

#19

Ok… so I had a thought.

Times like these come along and there’s very little you can do, I know that. But I’m thinking of it like this - You look at flowers,right? The most beautiful ones need the most rain. They can’t live on sunshine alone - they’ll die. You look at a cactus and it needs very water, but it keeps everyone at arms length with it’s stickers. You can’t touch it, it’s not pretty, and even when it does bloom flowers, it’s only in the rainy seasons. I know it’s a bit cliched to use the whole " What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger" line, but I look at all the things that have happened in my life that have shaken me to my very core, and they’re the same things that i believe give me the stength and character that I have today. The easy times do nothing for who you are as a person, it’s in the hard times that you are aquainted with your true self, and I know now that my true self is a pretty strong, resilient person.

I look at Brian, and for as morbid as this sounds, maybe this was the shove into manhood that Brian needed. Everyone has to reach a point where they stop holding the hand of their caregiver and stand on your own two shaky feet, and I don’t know how I feel about religion in all of this, but I can’t help but think it was God’s plan.

#20

this is the year for deaths!!! within the last two months, including your father in law, there have been 5 deaths that i am somehow linked to. you are both in my thoughts and prayers in your time of grief.