here’s yet another Onion article my sister sent me… good shit…
Stoner Uncle All The Kids’ Favorite
AUSTIN, TX–Stoner Mike “Gonzo” Dornheim, 37, a freelance carpenter and part-time drummer, is the favorite uncle of his six nephews and nieces, family sources revealed Monday.
Mike “Gonzo” Dornheim and two of his adoring nephews.
Despite being the object of unspoken resentment from his siblings, who see him as the family’s “black sheep,” the habitual marijuana user has nevertheless cornered the market on nephew/niece affection.
“Uncle Gonzo isn’t like my other uncles, who just talk about work all the time and won’t let us make noise in the house,” said Brad Dornheim, 8, who, like his siblings and cousins, is unaware of his uncle’s marijuana use. “He makes us these awesome banana smoothies. And he has the coolest backyard, with these robot bird sculptures he made out of scrap metal. He even gave me one, but Mom said it has to stay in the garage. I want to be just like him when I grow up. Uncle Gonz rules!”
Niece Caitlin Halloran, 6, agreed.
“Uncle Hank [insurance executive and avid golfer Henry Dornheim] and Uncle Jer [tile salesman and devout Presbyterian Gerald Pivarnik] are totally boring,” Caitlin said. “They wear ties every day, even outside church. All they ever do is read the paper and fall asleep in chairs. Uncle Gonzo makes mud pies and builds us tree forts, and he jumps in the leaves with us. I wish all my uncles were like Uncle Gonzo.”
Caitlin went on to cite other reasons for Dornheim’s favorite-uncle status, including his love of playing Frisbee, his blacklight Pink Floyd posters, his tattoos, and his vast collection of classic Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Despite their disapproval of his lifestyle, Dornheim’s siblings cannot find fault with his behavior around the family’s younger generation. Dornheim has always been careful never to discuss drugs with the children, and he keeps his basement grow-room securely padlocked when they come to visit. Dornheim also always makes sure his “big people stuff”