WARNING: This post contains some seriously emotional shit (esp coming from me) that I just don’t know what else to do with at the moment. My apologies in advance.
I feel like sharing this because, well…you’re probably the only ones that will get it. Things have been very difficult at home and I’m having a very hard time with things. I don’t feel compelled to go into details, but I don’t know if we’re going to make it. We’re not fighting, we’re not angry, but that’s what’s making it so difficult. It would be much easier to let go if I was pissed. But anyways I’ve been pretty depressed the last two weeks.
Tonight I was taking my dog for a walk and listening to the first set from the 1111 show. I got back home in the middle of Divided Sky and went into the backyard to let the dog run around some more. We were having this freezing rain storm kind of stuff coming down which was kind of obnoxious, but it is one of those nights where the moon light and fresh white snow makes it rather bright out for night time. So back to Phish, I’m not a huge fan of Divided Sky, but right after the “pause” Trey started his little solo and I was just standing there listening and really feeling Mike’s bass line during that part, which I’ve obviously heard a million times, but never actually “listened” to. It’s a really remarkable bass line and I was marveling in it and marveling at the weather and my little dog. Then came that part where Page starts banging out those piano chords right before the little jam at the end and then simultaneously the ice turned into these big awesome fluffy snowflakes. So I just stood there listening to last few minutes of the song and loving the snow flakes and the music and the moment and I realized I love my wife dearly and understand that she has to do what she has to do. No matter what happens I’ll be okay.
I don’t know, maybe I’ve just been far too emotional for far too many days in a row and I’m just losing my mind (sorry). Or maybe it’s just the awesomeness of Phish in my life.
Cactus has REALLY REALLY REALLY stepped up to the plate this year. That guy has been leading jams more often than not, and he is such a rock solid anchor. This is what Mike means to me:
Back in 2004, I had been halfheartedly playing the bass for a year or so. I had pretty much given up on it, thinking it was very boring and that I would never enjoy it. Then, a few months later, near the end of 2004, several months after Coventry, I discovered Phish. It took a while, but I really developed a full appreciation for Mike Gordon’s work. He made me realize what the bass could really do, and how much fun it can be to play. When you have influences like Mike, among others, the bass can be as dynamic an instrument as any other, and just as satisfying too. I get so much joy out of playing the bass, and in a big way, I have Mike to thank for that.
And Doug, I wish you nothing but the best, man. One way or another, as you said, you will be alright. And of course, Phish is great medicine for what ails ya.
Definitely not. I’ve had an emotional roller coaster of a year myself. When I was in New York, I realized what a shit-tastic year that I’ve had minus the few good times with you guys and Phish peppered in here and there. So, here I am at the end of 2010 with you guys and Phish in New York fucking City. Let’s make 2011 better!
Phish has been there for me when no one else has been. They’ll be there for you too no matter how shit-tastic things get!