What happens while you're busy making other plans.

Non-Phish General
#1

Does anyone else ever feel like your life is living you - that you’re not so much in charge of any course your life takes?

I think most of my contempt for being young comes from all the anxiety of not knowing where the fuck I’m going - and hating it.

I just have this fear that i’m going to be 50 something, looking back on my life and realize that I didn’t do anything that made me spectacularly happy - a fate that I think far too many people settle for, and one that I, for one, am not content with. the weird thing is…when I tell this to most older people they give me that look like “honey take a number… you think anyone is truly happy?” It’s just sad…

I watch this show called “No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain” on the Travel Channel. This guy gets paid to travel the world, meet new and interesting people, try new cuisine and cultures… and that is his JOB. What a fabulous life… and why can’t that be me? What was that desicion he made that launched him on a different path than the rest of us sitting behind a desk everyday?

I suppose it’s just growing pains… I’m ready to be established in life, and in a lot of respects I am. Much more than most other 24 year olds that I know. I mean I have a house, a family, a nice car, a 401k, investments, a decent (yet, admittedly dead end) job…why is it not enough? Why do I feel selfish for expecting genuine happiness to be a big part of that equation in there somewhere?

I know this post may be quite a bit out of left field…but can any of you sympathize with what I’m lamenting about?

I feel like I’m expecting too much out of life…

#2

Of course we can sympathize and no you are not expecting too much.

Why aren’t all those things enough? Because all those things are not genuine happiness. Tho those things are good and necessary they don’t really address the inner need to be content. Contentment comes from nowhere else but within. I really hope you discover contentment for yourself then you’ll have no fear.

#3

It’s funny. You envy some guy you saw on a TV show because you feel he has everything you don’t. But I ENVY YOU because you have everything I don’t. For being 24, you are so fucking far ahead of me it’s sickening. I’m 22 and I have a REAL dead end job (not even a full time position in the meat dept./deli of a grocery story), no insurance (I pay for it out of my own pocket), I don’t even know what a 401k is, I live at home, I don’t own my car, and not even a girlfriend, let alone a FAMILY of my own (admittedly, things might work out with this chick, but it’s 50/50 at this point).
I feel like everyone envies someone else; it’s a natural thing in life. The real trick is to find happiness in what you HAVE, not in what you COULD HAVE. You have a great husband, you’re an amazing mother, and a kick ass person to boot–would you trade those things for what someone else has?? This travel guy, I’m guessing he gets to travel because he has none of the things that you DO. Everyone always envies how the other half lives.

#4

There is no reason that can’t be you, maybe he just hit the point in his life that you’re going through now and decided to say “Fuck it, I’m going to do what makes me happy and nothing else.” Or maybe he just got lucky…but who knows. I guess what I’m saying is you can do whatever you want, you just need the guts to break out of the norm and do it.

I know that’s much easier said than done, which is why most people live unhappy, miserable lives…

I know what you’re saying though, I’m going through the SAME thing you’re going through. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, thought I did and then got shut down and now I’m lost… I’m currently going to school, but not for what I want to do…what that is I have no idea. And I don’t want to take a year off becuase I think that might make things worse. I know I’ll figure something out and it will just take time, but it seems like it’s taking FOREVER. I want do do something where I’m happy and what that is I have no idea… I’m refusing to be in that norm as well I won’t settle for it. Sometimes I think that will help me and set me apart, in turn opening something up out of the norm and doing something I’m happy with. But right now it’s just holding me back and slowing me down…

So, Momma, you’re not alone with this and I’m sure you’ll find that as this thread goes along, but I’m sure you’ll find something to make you happy, just as I am hoping for the same for myslef.

#5

I’m young and intelligent, i’m not trying to be an ass. I plan on letting my brains take me places. I want a job I enjoy.

that guy, to get to travel like that, probably got lucky. He had people skills, but really, there isnt a way you can say “hey, i’ll have a tv show that’s a big vacation!”. he got lucky somewhere down the line.

momma, you’ve got a great life. We all do. to be alive and well fed/dressed/have utilites/etc. is a blessing. we have one life to live. A big journey, with one shot. the game of life.

I’m gonna hope the dice roll in my favor and do what I can to do all I can.

#6

well thanks guys… I appreciate you weighing in on my little tangent. :slight_smile:

I know I have a good life… I’m not doubting that for a second. I’m extremely blessed in a lot of ways, and I know that. I agree a lot with what y’all are saying about finding the happiness within… I guess I just need to focus on acheiving my own personal best vs. holding myself up to other people who I admire…

I’m pretty sure about what makes me personally happy in life, and that’s bettering myself - something I haven’t really worked on in a long time… It’s probably why I feel so stagnant; but I’m hoping things will change soon. :slight_smile: All I need is a little fuel to take flight… and off I go :wink:

thanks for listening to me blab…you guys are teh coolest :wink:

#7

I just started my fifth year of school… I honestly feel kind of lost in life now… I WISH I could travel around the world at the moment… Be anywhere but here.

#8

I agree with Greg. There will always be something else that if you could just get, you’d be so happy, or that one person who’s life you find so great you’d give your right arm to experience it for just a day. For me, the key has been to become happy with things reguardless of circumstances. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true. You seem like a pretty together girl, momamamma and no doubt knew that already. The way I look at it, is I could make $20,000 a week and be 10 times more miserable than if I made $20 a week. The goal is to be as happy at 20 dollars as you would be at 20,000. I’ve learned to be cool with where I am in life, not content with mediocrity by any means, but happy to be, I don’t know, driving to the grocery store or walking to the mailbox. My circumstances may not be ideal, (and I’m back in school to better them) but they’re mine and damn it, I’m gonna enjoy myself. You should read, “Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives”. It’s a fictional story, but is a great read on one man’s journey to true happiness. Good luck on your quest momamomma! We’re all pulling for you.

#9

the way i’ve come to learn it is that constant changes and movement is a good way to keep things fresh. Therefore you are ALWAYS wanting something else. It just takes a few turns to realize that things aren’t what they seem and what you thought you wanted wasn’t where you were looking for it and you realize you were happy the way you were before and would like to go back. And then you realize that you cant go back and you can’t repeat the past and the pressure builds to find something new that can make you happy which can in itself, drive you absolutley mad to the point of for lack of a better term “giving up on dreams” and just settling down to whatever may be easiest resulting in further frustrations and dreams of change which lead to the whole cycle starting over again.

does anybody get that?

a good groove to find is one with a balanced level of changes and stability to feed both needs.

so yes, we all know what you mean momma. we are all human and this mental and emotional conflict is the human condition.

with love and confusion,

jawbone

#10

I love that show! No Reservations, I was just thinking about that show. Ive been doing lots of thinking lately about my direction in my life too, I want to be a theatre actress or some kind of entertainment business. But its such a tough fucking business and New York is really not my place, people are too high strung, and i don’t feel like being some kind of waitress my whole life. BUt i’m just trying to LIVE IN THE MOMENT and enjoy things as they come, and deal with the shit as it comes. These days living in the moment is really key. The future is on its way, and the past is done. Just chillin. Keeping my goals in sight but not going too nuts over it. I really want to move to San Fransisco or somewhere where I can fit in better and find friendly nice people. Not that NY isnt friendly their just too damn high strung!!
Just remember to do things that make you happy whenever you can, and shit will eventually work itself out, you know?

#11

Exactly… points us in an upward direction rather than being stuck in the foam and falling into a deep well… The more we can better ourselves the more we can help others too b/c they are inspired by our efforts.

Course none of us are perfect and we stumble and fall all the time but we keep trying and little by little we see improvement. That is something to smile about.

#12

Greg’s “I need some advice” thread:
http://ohkeepa.proboards36.com/index.cgi?board=non&action=display&thread=1162260987

There are a lot of us here on the Oh Kee Pa that are in our twenties and dealing with the same siuations in our lives. Jobs/careers play a big part, unfortunately. We have to be able to figure something out because feeling like you’re twisting in the wind sucks ass. When I was 23 or 24 I read a book called Quarterlife Crisis. Call it what you want, but I definitely had a feeling of angst related to graduating from college and not magically having anything that I wanted. The first step is deciding what you want to do. (Goals: First ask yourself what you want. Then do what you have to do.) Making up your mind can be the hardest part. In one of those Don Juan books by Carlos Castenada Don Juan says something about a warrior choosing a path and then focusing everything on the present. The decision was made, there is no reason to think about it any longer. Having a college degree really helps. If you have a lot of college credits and are close to graduating, you might as well go back for a semester or two and finish.
MomaMomma, you do have a lot of the basics in life taken care of. Your house is warm. There is food in the refrigerator. You also have a child, and that changes the dynamics of life.
Greg, you should move out of your parents’ house. Forget about that money in your account. If it comes back to you someday, great. Don’t move in with that girl. Keep her in the friend-only column. You write a lot to post on this messageboard. I would guess that you write a lot otherwise too. Send some articles in to the local newspaper. Send some stories or poems in somewhere.

#13

I know I need to move out, but since I am most definitely not going to live with her, it makes moving out that much more difficult and expensive. A one bedroom place, including utilities, will probably set me back 400-500 bucks a month. That’s not even counting all the other expenses I have, such as insurance, gas, food, and so on. 800-900 a month is just not something liveable…

#14

Greg, living alone is a lot more expensive than having a roommate. If you can’t afford it, then you can’t afford it. Just keep your eyes peeled for some type of living situation. A new path reveals itself eventually.
All this stress and worry really suck. I lose sight of it sometimes, but the current moment is the focus. There is no past or future. There is only right now. I want to be warm and safe and happy for most of my moments. I guess there is just the right balance of thinking in the present and looking ahead to contentment in the future. I truly believe in surrendering to the flow. I feel that the final destination is good. There may be some bumps along the way, but you’re on your way to something better. Watching for signs along the road of life can help too. I don’t know shit about decoding the mysteries of life, but I do feel tied in to it all in a magical, cosmic way. Never disregard the way you feel. Never go back on an original thought.

#15

I’m not in my early to mid-20s anymore (I’m 29,) but I am in the same “Where is my life going?” mystery situation. Getting hurt a year ago changed my life. I graduated from college in 2000 with a bachelor’s degree in Fire Safety and Protection. I just wanted to be a regular firefighter, but college seemed like the natural step after high school. I took as many fire department tests as I could. It was very competitive. Finally, in 2005, in Fort Worth, Texas, of all places, I had a high ranking after the initial written test. (A big city environment. A large department that was separate from the ambulance service.) 1800 people took the test. They were hiring for 32 positions. I was #27. (I was also lucky enough to draw a good random number. Yes, you heard me right. Random numbers helping to decide rankings. Crazy.) The next step was the physical test. They held a practice session for the physical test two weeks before. I enjoyed that so much. The cut off time was 5:30. I had 4:30. We got to carry the hose and the dummy and all that shit. So the job was basically mine to lose. I couldn’t wait to finish the hiring process and start the fire academy in January. Two days before the actual physical test I got hurt at my short-term, pay-the-bills carpentry job. Talk about a drag. So now working as a firefighter is not an option. What the hell else am I going to do? I’m going to be 30 next year. All I ever wanted to do was kick in the doors of burning houses and find kids hiding under the bed. Today I walked to the library, and that was a huge accomplishment for me. I hate to complain because my situation could be worse in so many ways. I know that I am truly blessed or lucky or whatever, but it all chaps my ass sometimes.

#16

At this point, all I really want is my own place and a better paying job to afford it. That is my present concer.

#17

Man, I completely feel for you. wha’t a let down it must’ve been to come that far and then have something come out of the blue like that to derail you. But obviously there is another plan out there for you…b/c you really don’t seem , to me, to be the type to just sit around and let life pass you by. If i had a dollar for every time that I’ve taken a mental stroll through what my life would’ve been like had I made just a few different choices, man I’d be a millionaire, but I guess in all reality, like you said, things could be a lot worse and I know that.

I may be lost on my way to finding my purpose in life, but at least I’m as happy as a lost person has a right to be. I have a few people in my life there to support me in my quest for happiness and I’m lucky for that. I’m not going to say don’t get down over the fire dept. thing - b/c I understand that is a big blow, but just know that everythign happens for a reason.

I mean look at it this way…firefighting is a dangerous job…that fall, ironically, may have saved your life.

#18

Gazing past the planets
Looking for total view
I’ve been laying here for hours
You gotta make the journey out and in

Wonders of a lifetime
Right there before your eyes
Searching with this life of ours
You gotta make the journey out and in
Out and in, out and in

Will you think it’s a joke
That’s all right
Do what you want to do
I’ve said my peace
And I’ll leave it all up to you

Wonders of a lifetime
Right there before your eyes
Searching with this life of ours
You gotta make the journey out and in
Out and in, out and in

Will you think it’s a joke
That’s all right
Do what you want to do
I’ve said my peace
And I’ll leave it all up to you

Gazing past the planets
Looking for total view
I’ve been laying here for hours
You gotta make the journey out and in
Out and in, out and in
Out and in, out and in

#19

About five years ago, I thought I had it all figured out - I had just a little while until I finished college, I was going to get my masters and possibly my doctorate and be set for life. Then, people (ok, a person) came into my life and totally changed everthing. I barely finished my bachelors and from there I’ve felt like I’ve just been drifting. Don’t get me wrong, I have a decent job, a place to live, and the basic necessities, however - it’s amazing how people coming into and out of our lives can make such a dramatic difference. I don’t look at this person as the destroyer of my life - so many different, crazy and good things have come of it - it’s just a different sort of life degree, rather than a college degree…(damn, if only those life degrees paid like a college degree). I think life is just a journey - you gotta go with the flow and enjoy the hell out of the parts that you can and survive and learn from the other parts…

#20

I do not remember posting in this thread before and talking about being a firefighter or anything.

And another surprise… ^ altj up there is my now-wife Jamie. She had moved from Texas to Illinois that past April to be close to me. I now remember her joining the OKP and hanging around briefly. So life is constant change with no control. And all is interconnected and one thing here affects another thing over there and ripple effects and such.

But I think it is all random. If there was something or someone or somewhat or someif or somehow that started all this, he/she/it lit the fuse and walked away. No one is steering the ship of life. We (being life in the universe) are akin to a school science project left in the bottom of some kid’s closet for the summer.

Or maybe it’s not random.