When Chuck Norris holds one finger up at you he’s not shhhing you, he’s showing you how many seconds you have to live.
Chuck Norris has two modes: Walk… and Kill
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light on … not because he’s afraid of the dark … but because the dark’s afraid of Chuck Norris.
My son just IMd me this one: " in the begginning there was nothing then chuck norris round house kicked that nothing in the face and said “get a job!” ----the history of the universe "
when Chuck Norris jumps in a lake, he dosen’t get wet.
the lake gets Chuck Norrised.
always one of my faves.
too bad chuck norris is brown-nosing Mike Schmuckabee
^i don’t even understand those commercials. is Huck trying to throw it all away or something? or does he really believe he’ll get the “stupid” vote based on a comedic friendship with Chuck?
actually, he probably will get hundreds of thousands of votes based solely on his Chuck Norris ads. i forgot where/when we are living for a second.
Fuck Norris!
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep.
He waits.
Chuck Norris is weaktitsauce!
hes such a bad ass that he does infomericials these days.
well played, chuck.
well played.
When the boogie man goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
To me its not even about if Chuck Norris is actually cool in real life and has made the coolest business decisions.
Its more about picturing the ridiculous fight scenes in “Walker: Texas Ranger,” and how unbelievably funny they are because they make Chuck look like a cross between Bruce Lee and God.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris doesn’t push himself up when he does push-ups - he pushes the world down.
Eating Cap’n Crunch doesn’t hurt the roof of Chuck Norris’s mouth.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
On the 7th day God rested, because Chuck Norris had him in a sleeper hold.
Yeah, but who knew he was meant to be Mike Huckabee’s bitch?
I couldn’t believe the news clips from the end of caucus speeches last night that an incredibly toothy Norris was standing on the platform next to Huckabee giving his victory speech in the exact same location that Bill Clinton was standing as Hillary gave her rousing “oh well” speech.
Is there something going on between Mike and Chuck, or do they just share the same sexual intimacy as Bill and Hillary do, so there’s really no big story there?
the Trey resemblance is simply scary.
The Chuck Norris jokes have become markedly less funny since the Huckabee thing.
Maybe it should be … like … when Mike Huckabee goes to sleep with Chuck Norris at night, they check the closet for Trey.
What?
Chuck Norris owns 3 pit bulls and 2 dobermans, yet if you go near his property the only sign you see is “Beware of Chuck Norris”.